Something I was thinking about today. Not sure if I am thinking about this correctly, but just some thoughts.
Lately, most of the advertisements on the radio and tv are for Mother’s Day. And I find a reoccurring theme in all of them. They pretty much show mothers as having a sense of entitlement.
And it is not just Mother’s day. There are other things that I see this theme in. It seems like more and more people are pushing that simply because a women is a mom, there are certain things they are entitled to.
Like having your children do chores because of all mom does for them.
Giving mom gifts, because of all she does for you.
Pampering mom because of all she does for you.
Don’t get me wrong. These things have their place. Children should help out, because life is work. If you don’t learn that as a child, well, life is going to be very hard. Children should be kind and think of others. Dads should help moms. They are in this together and made that choice together.
But it should not be because mom feels entitled.
I don’t know, but it just seems to me that there is this idea that children owe mom something. They owe her for raising them and for putting up with them. But I look at my daughter, I don’t see that. I don’t look at her as though she owes me for taking care of her and raising her as I should.
Though it is God who gives children, it is a personal choice. I made the choice to become a mom. Rose did not make the choice to become my daughter. God chose us for each other, but as far as me and her, I made the choice. And with that choice comes the responsibility. Responsibilities that I was aware of before I decided to become a mom.
I guess part of this seeming sense of entitlement comes from the fact that in this day, women do give up some dreams, at least for a little while, in order to be moms. Ok, I get that. But, in most cases, the mom MADE that choice. And even if it is a case of “oops, I’m going to have a baby”…well…that was a choice too. And mom and dad should be ready for what comes.
It wasn’t the child who made those choices. The child didn’t force itself on a parent and say, “Ha, you are going to take care of me. You have no say in this, and I am going to make you give up your dreams in order to take care of me.” The parents made a choice.
So why is there this sense of children needing to repay mom for making a choice to give up something in order to have kids? Why should children repay parents for deciding to become parents?
I feel that my daughter, and any future children we have, do not owe me anything. If anyone owes anyone anything, I owe it to them to be the best mom I can be and teach them as best I can to love God and each other and to be kind. Because I am the one who made the choice to have children. If they do want to do anything to thank me for being mom, it should be because they are kind people who like to do kind things for others. It should not be done because I treat them like they owe me thanks. Because if I treat them like they owe me, and then try to teach them that God is like a parent, what view will they get of God? God doesn’t treat us like we owe him. We most certainly do, but He doesn’t treat us like we do.
I want my children to love me because I am worthy of love, not because I demand it. I want them to be kind because I have been an example of kindness. I want them to grow to be the very best person they can be and I want to give them every opportunity I can for them to become that.
If my children do thank me, I want it to be because I truly earned it and didn’t treat them like burdens, but as precious treasures loaned to me from God. I don’t want them to thank me because I demand it. Why should I demand thanks for a choice I made? A choice I didn’t have to make.
Don’t get me wrong. Mother’s Day isn’t bad. I intend to remember my mom on Mother’s Day. But I don’t think that is something I will want to celebrate with my children. If my children tell me thanks or get me a gift, I want it to be out of the kindness that I hope I have instilled in them, not because it is demanded of them.