In addition to reading Transforming Grace, I have also started reading Francis Chan’s Forgotten God. (Hurrah for Kindle deals!) Forgotten God deals with how we view the Holy Spirit, and how Christians seems to live as though He doesn’t even exist.
Finding this book came at the perfect time for me. It is a matter that the Lord convicted me of a few years ago as I was preparing to graduate from the baptist university I attended. I saw it there so much, this seeming ignoring of the Holy Spirit and His working in the Christian’s life. But it has really, just in the past 2 weeks come to be something that I really need to look at. As me and my husband prepare for the birth of our precious daughter in July, there are so many things that have us feeling overwhelmed. On top of that, my husband has just found out about some health issues that, while not serious now, will develop into something more serious if changes are not made in his diet and lifestyle. For the past 2 weeks, I have felt more overwhelmed then usual, having to go through my cupboards and think about what he can and can’t eat, and now what I can buy at the grocery store and can’t.
I even went through a day last week where I blamed myself for what was going on. I blamed myself for not being a good enough wife to make sure that he had eaten what he was supposed to. If I had, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. (He has not made me feel like that. At all. That was all me.) For a few days, I really did feel alone, thinking I had somehow caused what was happening and I had to somehow get myself out of it.
I did, after a few hours, realize that it wasn’t my fault. And not really his. We are doing the best we can with what he have. And there are some things you just can’t stop from happening. And when it does, you just get up and move on.
So, while the blaming myself past, the feeling of being overwhelmed and feeling like I had to fix everything by myself didn’t. I felt like I had this huge burden on me of not only caring for myself and the child inside me, but now, having to make sure it is easy for my husband to eat how he needs to and keep himself healthy. And while yes, this is my job as his wife and mother of our baby, it is still overwhelming and can feel like you have to just have to take that leap of faith. Which is exactly what I have learned so far from this book and as I learn more about God and His Holy Spirit. It *is* a leap of faith. I have no idea what the future is going to hold. I have no idea if my husband is going to get worse or better. I have no idea if I am safely going to bring our baby into the world. I have no idea how things are going to turn out. But God does. All I have to do is what I know is right and trust Him. And learn to have a relationship with this Helper and Comforter that He sent over 2000 years ago. That is why He sent Him. To grow with Him in the good times, and lean on Him in the bad. With Him, I take that leap of faith while He is taking that burden.
God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.